Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Big Ron has spoken

The Legandary Big Ron has spoken out on behalf of this years Spurtnip Cup. It is believed that Big Ron ranted for nearly 45 minutes on the splendours of this historic event before sipping some port and stating "I am no Racist, I just love white Canadian Squirrels"

Big Ron, a Squirrel and a tree

Here follows a chosen extract from Ron's speech:

"Well it's that time of year when the old fat man distributes presents to all the little children, no I'm not talking about 'Big Man' Seker, but Father Christmas of course, that's right, it's the festive period and that means only one thing, it's the Spurtnip Cup final!

After some early season meddling by the Badgers the Woodland FA has finally set the date and once again the Stade de Saxham will be graced by the beautiful sight of a bunch of unfit slackers chasing a ball around in the cold on Christmas Eve. There is no finer date in sport, and I for one will be asleep in my comfy chair in front of the fire, desperately waiting for the result to come in.

And on the result, well, I would like to say I think it will be a hotly contested contest of content cunts, but I would just be lying. The Badgers looked promising last season but I just can't see them replicating such high heights again, they just don't have 1% of the skill, commitment, flair, fitness, pace, technical ability, timing, power, strength, tricks or ball control of even a very hungover Squirrel who has not slept in 17 days. And to be honest, they're just ugly as well.

That's right football fans, I will be once again backing the Squirrels to retain the mighty cup and once again be draped in party poppers and cheap Lambrini come the 24th December. I think they know what to do, they create chances, and that's what a team needs, goals. The Badgers may well be able to run around a bit, but once they get into the opposition half they have an uncanny ability to fuck it up, to be blunt about it. So unless Big Man gets his troops organised on the day, puts the big tackles in, pushes up, respects the opposition, defends deep and hopes the ref has a stinker it's going to be a game of two halves, when they need to come out of the traps quickly and dictate the pace at their own, slow, level, not underestimating the Squirrels, absorbing the pressure and counter attacking with pace and skill and some lovely free flowing football.

So in conclusion, who will win the Spurtnip 2006? Well who knows. But it will be the Squirrels."

Big Ron's wife, Samantha has submitted this lovely video previewing this years cup:

Squirrels 8-5, Badgers 30-1

Posted at 13:13

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