Garnanzo Signing Legitimate

The signing of Garnanzo by The Squirrels FC from German club Gestapo United has been a source of controversy throughtout Football for years. In response to recently leaked documents, Garnanzo and Macca have made these official responses.

Garnanzo signs for Squirrels FC

Garnanzo

"I am shocked and over more concerned, at the circulation of this document.

There are a myriad of clear blunders that the wicked, snouted, perpetrator has left as a clear indication of this malicious attempt at a forgery. I would draw attention to, in no particular order (other than the order in which they appear on the page);

a) Any school boy worth his Pro-Set(tm) cards will tell that the Squirrels hail from a massive oak tree near Chedburgh, not Chevington.

b) Whilst Gestapo United do indeed exist, isn't it interesting that once again certain party's look to the distant past, to unhappier times. Clearly things have changed since then, and the bigoted insinuation that Gestapo United are in someway evil is endemic of a problem I thought we had left behind in the "Dark Ages" of football. This saddens me more than any slur on my own character ever could.

c) My name is spelt Harald, not "Harold". Again, even the most feeble-minded student of the game would tell you that.

d) Lastly the frankly pathetic attempts at both mine and the Rt Hon McKinney's signature are laughable blatant fakes, as anyone who owns a copy of my signed autobiography, "Game. Sett... Squirrel?" would surely testify.

Yet again this scandalous piece of libel attempts to sully the exceptional name of an otherwise unblemished record of one Harald Garnanzo, both on and off the pitch."

Macca

"For the record, I never signed that piece of paper, I won't even call it a contract. That looks like something Max Clifford would knock up to get John Leslie off rape charges. I categorically deny any involvement in these dealings and would prefer not to have my good name dragged into this messy episode.

For further information regarding this matter please refer to news item 'Garnanzo's defence weakened'

Posted at 14:27

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