Thursday, December 07, 2006

Harry the Nazi

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With the Spurtnip Cup 2006 a mere 17 days away the Squirrels marketing department has been thrown into turmoil. The Sun Newspaper, England, UK has printed these distressing images of the Squirrels' pin up cover boy Harold 'Garnanzo' Garnham in full Nazi uniform. Garnanzo (also known as 'The Prince' due to his regal styling) responded with the following letter,

'Dear Purveyors of Lies,

I was shocked and appalled to read your article entitled "Squirrels Shame". I categorically deny all allegations of perversion/ inappropriate behaviour not befitting a person of my reputation and status, as a pillar of the community.

For the record, yes, I was dressed as a Nazi (a member of Rommel's desert forces, to be precise) on my way to a WWII recreation. Mr Gay's restaurant for vertically challenged members of the community happens to be on the way to the grounds used for the recreation. The last time I checked it was not illegal, or even inappropriate, to recreate one of the greatest desert campaigns ever fought by the Fatherland.

The torrent of four letter abuse of which you allude to was no more than "dear chap, move from one's path." as your so-called correspondent tried to block my route, whilst hurling vile accusations at me and flashing me with his picture-box.

The "jizz soiled cravat" was no more than a used handkerchief that I was tossing towards a public refuse receptacle, when your correspondent deliberately threw himself into its flight path.

My current mental well-being is beyond question, a fact that my current psychiatrist will verily testify.

You are correct to stress that the Bicycleseatgate saga (as you tabloid hacks have dubbed it) is a pure allegation. I am sure you are aware that I have sued the publishing house guilty of printing such defamatory slander.

In short sirs, I wish for a full public retraction and apology of this heinous "news" item or you shall shortly hear from my lawyers.

Good day to you sir,

Sir Harold of Chedburghshire '

The English Football Association has yet to officially sanction any misconduct charges against Mr Garnham. However, fears remain regarding his possible suspension from this years Cup Final.

Posted at 10:19

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